I think if I was allergic to dairy I’d kill myself.

Pam-Pam-thank-you-ma’am.

…and I’m sinking a few, swish swish swish- nothing but net! And their jaws just drop to the floor. African Americans!

I do read Small Businessman. I also subscribe to USA Today and American Way magazine. That’s the in-flight magazine. Some great articles in that. They did this great profile last month of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she’s in Phoenix. Illuminating.

I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate… no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.

Earlier today this office needed a Santa, then it needed another Santa, then it needed a Jesus, and now it needs a Michael, and that’s one suit Phyllis cannot fit into.

I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was thirty, but I wasn’t even close. Then I thought maybe by forty, but by forty I had less money than I did when I was thirty.

I am not going to “do” the “twirl,” alright? It’s not even a twirl, it’s a spin. I might do the spin.

Battleship” got me through my parents’ divorce. “Operation” got me through my vasectomy.